Telephone
by Sesshy's Mistress
Summary: It’s not always the best of ideas to leave her to her own devices. Sadly, L had to learn the hard way…


**Telephone**

**Sesshy's Mistress**

**Summary: It's not always the best of ideas to leave her to her own devices. Sadly, L had to learn the hard way….**

**Disclaimer: I was lying in bed, struggling to fall asleep, when this idea hit me. From then on out, I could not rest without typing this crazy idea. The title is based on a song, a very familiar and popular one at the moment, Telephone by Lady GaGa featuring Beyonce.**

**…**

Light Yagami was considered a genius amongst his peers. In truth, he considered himself one as well. Though others would see him as second only to Ryuuzaki, L. Light did not see this as so. No, he prided himself on being the smartest of them all. He was 'God', after all.

With every obstacle that came his way, he easily managed to overcome the odds. Yet, for some unknown reason, Light could not bring himself to understand what exactly it was that he was seeing. Geometry teaches one to not trust his or her eyes, and, in this case, maybe he should take the mathematical advice since reason had yet to allow him comprehension.

"Oi, Light-kun," Matsuda mumbled lowly, silently observing the same scene as he, Light, was currently contemplating. Light merely spared the younger detective a short glance before returning his piercing gaze on the confusing sight before him.

Normally, if one could call the days of the task force normal, he would overlook the blonde's quirks. Today, however, it was just…odd. Even for her!

"Light," Misa whimpered while clinging to his right arm. Her black nails bit deep into his skin through the fabric of his shirt. "I'm scared." Light fought off the urge to roll his eyes. Yes, the behavior was odd; however, to go as far as that, well you would have to be….

Light shook his head as he considered who was clinging to him. It was no wonder. Several more seconds passed before Light decided to ask the question on everyone's minds. "Usagi-chan, are you okay?"

Large blue eyes brimming with tears of laughter turned towards him. Plump, pink lips were still pulled into a wide smile as stifled giggles escaped from her mouth. A waterfall of blonde hair followed the movement of her head as she turned towards Light, weaving through the air like the trail of a veil.

"Of c-course, Light-san," Usagi spoke through her giggles. Which, Light might add, were anything but ordinary. Usagi's personality, much liker her appearance, was bright, vibrant, and innocent. The laugh that flowed from her lips, however, was anything but that. No, it was filled of hidden promises, none of which were good for anyone's health. Though she was smiling, a spark of mischief and sardonic satisfaction glistened in the deep depths of her eyes.

One pale hand reached up to wipe away the wetness that leaked from her eyes. The other hand moved to fan her face as the blond struggled to gain her composure. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Light had no answer to give her and neither did the two sitting on either side of him, or the three older detectives, including his father, standing behind him. All of them could not understand what was going on in that head of hers … especially now. "You just seem…"

"Happy? Excited? Vibrant? Joyful? –"

"Different…"

Usagi cocked her head to the side, allowing the loose strands to glide down over the chair she was currently occupying. She moved her hands so that one lay lazily over her lap. The other was propped up on the arm of the chair, allowing her hand to lightly fist and rest against her temple. Her bare legs were neatly folded to her side, sandwiched between the chair and her body.

"I don't know what you mean," The smile that sat upon her face told otherwise, but no one was brave enough to admit it. Except for one…

"Usa-chan?"

"Yes Matsu?" Usagi smiled wider, beaming at the ever kind and caring man. Ever since becoming involved in the Kira case, Matsuda had always been a friend to her, trusting her even when others had not. For that, Usagi always reserved special attention to him. None of which reached further than friendship, much to Matsuda's disappointment.

"We're worried," he motioned with his hands, waving over to her. "It's not like you to act so… so…"

"I believe the word you are searching for is deviant, peculiar, anomalous, strange, inconsistent, atypical, or uncharacteristic. Any of the previously stated would be a correct description for her current condition," a very bored and unconcerned voice spoke from behind the five detectives and one pop star slash movie star. Six people turned to stare at the new addition while one simply relaxed into her seat.

"My current condition? Whatever do you mean by that, Ryuuzaki?" The hint of laughter was not missed by any other person in the room and neither was the subtle bite in her tone.

"As of right now? I am still unsure," Ruuzaki shrugged his shoulders; it was a simple movement that was to the point. In other words, it was everything that Ryuuzaki expected of anyone or anything: A problem to be answered by simple methods or means which are learned through a series of procedures, theories, or some other quirky method of his. Usually they were something of which Usagi never understood. She still had problems reasoning with the whole handcuff stunt. To her, it was something out of a Yaoi fantasy magna, like the ones Minako was so fond of…

Usagi fought off the urge to blush as she recalled several of the scenes in those books. Instead, she clung to the emotion she had been feeling since earlier that morning when Ryuuzaki dared to cross her. Fresh anger flared to life, but she stifled it with the knowledge of what was to come. Oh yes, he would pay, dearly. With that thought, Usagi stood quickly, bestowing a smile to everyone save Ryuuzaki. He was gifted a look undiscernibly by anyone, himself included.

The mystery of her behavior would later be solved that night. Ten hours later to be exact. The task force, including L, had been called away due to _another_ stunt by Matsuda. Usagi had been allowed to stay behind, much to her devious pleasure. She stood in her portion of the large building complex that L had built to be the Kira Investigation Task Force Team's headquarters. One hand held the curtain to the side, allowing the moonlight to filter through the large window. The light's of the city sparkled like stars, but she spared them, nor their comparisons, a glance. Not tonight, she had other things to do.

A smirk appeared on her face as her other hand clenched around her pink cell phone; it was only a matter of time. Behind her, Ryuk watched in utter curiosity. He, too, had never expected such a look to grace the features of one so Serene. He had decided to remain behind, hoping to satiate his curiosity, but, now, he was second guessing his decision. Nevertheless, he continued to watch her while remaining undetected. Whatever it was that she was thinking, it must have been very important. While she could not see him, she sensed him, something that kept Light nervous.

Blue eyes flashed to the digital clock sitting on her night stand; it had been a total of forty-eight minutes since the team had left, plenty of time. Her smirk stretched further as she lifted her cell phone. Flipping it open, her thumb quickly hit the proper speed dial number before her hand lifted the device to her ear.

As the phone rang, her smirk gave way to a smile which was followed by laughter. If only, if only…

**…**

Elsewhere, L and the others were currently trying to smooth out a rather difficult situation. The cause of the situation, Matsuda, was twitching in a corner. He knew that once he returned the headquarters L and the others would be furious. Poor Matsuda.

L, Light, and Chief Yagami were currently conversing with several people when, suddenly, L felt a vibration in his pocket, giving an early signal to a call. Given the situation, he decided to let it ring. He had more important things to tend to at the moment. This would soon be a decision he would later regret.

The vibrations soon gave way to a ringtone, a very unfamiliar one at that….

_I'm a Barbie girl_

_In the Barbie world,_

_Life in plastic, it's fantastic!_

_You can brush my hair,_

_Undress me everywhere_

_Imagination, life is your creation!_

_Come on, Barbie, let's go party!_

_I'm a blonde, bimbo girl_

_In the fantasy world_

_Dress me up, make it tight,_

_I'm your dolly!_

_You're my doll, rock 'n' roll, feel the glamour in pink,_

_Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky…_

_You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"_

_I'm a Barbie girl_

_In the Barbie world,_

_Life in plastic, it's fantastic!_

_You can brush my hair,_

_Undress me everywhere_

_Imagination, life is your creation!_

L struggled to grab his phone from his pockets. When he finally had a good grasp on it, he turned from everyone, trying to ignore the burning feel of their eyes boring into his back. He noted it was Usagi who was calling, but before he could demand an explanation, her voice came through:

"Next time you think to eat my piece of the triple chocolate chip, three layered, extra creamy and smooth icing cake, think again!"

A dial tone was soon heard after a loud click, leaving L to ponder the sanity of the blonde. He had always hoped that Usagi would be sane enough to balance Misa's…..Misa-ness… Apparently, he was wrong, very wrong.

Later, after returning to headquarters, L proceeded to drag Usagi away for some privacy. He was 'nice' enough to disable all camera's and monitoring devices in the room before having his talk with the blonde. The rest of the task force was left in the dark. Only when the two exited the room did they dare to ask. Still, they went unanswered. The only clue they received was a subtle threat from Usagi which L decided to ignore, waving it off as if it were nothing.

He would live to later regret that decision as well. Though he had protected his phone from being tampered with, he had not expected her to meddle with anyone elses. Needless to say, he had never seen it coming.

Light's phone had been programmed to play, "Gay Bar" with some added tweaking. Somehow, Usagi had managed to edit the tape so that the beginning started with "Light I just wanted to say that …" in his, L's, voice before the lyrics of the song began to play. He was very interested to know where she learned to alter audio feed like that. The Usagi _he knew_ was not very talented in the technology department.

He had another talk with her, and, after some time with no incidents, he began to relax. It would be three months later before she would attack once more. This time, she had managed to attack his phone undetected once again. This time, however, when she called her voice started up by saying, "Hey, it's me and I just wanted to say…" followed by the lyrics "If You Were Gay".

L began to catch on to the theme of her attacks and decided to take action as well, but in an all together different method. He would just have to prove how wrong her choice of songs was in regards to his sexuality the hard way…

Ryuuzaki smirked as he began to plot his first method of attack.

**…**

**Yeah, I have no idea … lolxD**

**Sesshy**

**Reviews are loved and appreciated :)**


End file.
